This Daft Gook Needs a Job: Scenes from a post.harvard.edu inbox

Bridgewater Associates(Assholes, etc.), Inc.
We're looking for people who can be the leaders of the company – starting on their very first day. (seek a few good dickheads)

Bridgewater manages $165 billion in global investments for a wide array of institutional clients, including foreign governments and central banks, corporate and public pension funds, university endowments and charitable foundations. (big primed uncut cocks with greasy hot nuts) Bridgewater has approximately 450 employees and is based in Westport, Connecticut. (conveniently located just off the Post Road at the corner of Cum in My Ass and Cum on My Chin) There are three ingredients behind Bridgewater's success: its process, its people, and its culture. (raw entry, uprocking reverse cowgirl, jackhammering doggystyle, with a little stinky pinky; teen sluts, horny bicurious wives, dirty old men; and biweekly swingers parties) At Bridgewater, we have invented, and keep inventing, superior approaches to investing and technology. We have fueled this innovation by recruiting talented, creative people from all backgrounds and promoting an invigorating and collaborative work environment. (mature broads who like double fisting, black dick in white pussy, horses, water sports, circle jerk lunch breaks) We are committed to the constant pursuit of excellence, and a meritocracy of ideas, not hierarchies, drives decision-making. (shut up and eat my cock you little cumslut)

Client Service Department Overview:
The Client Service Department is responsible for implementing Bridgewater's client strategy. (get that lube and squirt it all over my ass) Our global client base includes public and corporate pension funds, foreign governments and central banks, as well as university endowments and charitable foundations. (now shove that wine enema into my moist boyhole) We seek to be our clients' most trusted advisor, beyond providing excellent reporting and analytical services.(ooh yeah drink up bitch, suck it dry, and lick all the edges you little whore). Client Advisors,

Portfolio Strategists, and Analysts introduce and teach institutional investors about (now lube me up and pound my ass like you mean it) Bridgewater's pioneering work in areas such as risk budgeting, alpha and beta separation, portable alpha, optimal beta, currency overlay, and global inflation-indexed bond investing. (oh yeah you fucking like that don't you, you ugly little cumwad, tell me you like

daddy's tight little stinkhole.) Our track record

(Daddy's going to cum) of innovative (oh yeah Daddy's going to--fu--cking cum) and objective thinking (Fuuuuck.) has established (Yeah. Unnngh) Bridgewater as one of the pre-eminent (Ohhhh. Ungh) investment management firms in the business. ( Unghhungohh)

My 26th Birthday Party Karaoke Songlist

It's very necessary that you help sate my appetite for destruction (self-, aurally). No doubt it'll be a bizarre ride II the pharcyde of Queens or K-town or the East Village (most likely). All the pathos or bathos won't get us back to black music's roots with my light-FM playlist but it most certainly won't be a night at the opera. Either which way, hell hath no fury like the bitter Asian birthday bunny scorned. Tone def ululations aside, it'll be all golden hits when I'm on golden pond hopefully my 2-6 will be bigger, better, faster, more , like a never ending supply of yay. Donations to that effect will be appreciated.



THE LIST:

1.Shoop or Let's Talk about Sex - Salt 'n' Pepa (warmup, ensemble)
2.Paradise City- G'n'R (dolo, choral ensemble)
3.Passin' me By- Pharcyde (I do Fat Lip's verses)
4.You Know I'm No Good - A. Winehouse (dolo)
5.Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen (drunk ensemble obv)
6.Chinese New Year or Hello New World (someone's got to do Pharrell)- Clipse
7.I Say a Little Prayer- Dionne Warwick (maybe this will get cut)
8.What's Up- 4 Non Blondes ("my #38" Korean karaoke jargon for I'll house you on this shit)

Ensemble encore Rehab- A. Winehouse (might happen in rehab)

***FORBIDDEN songs: anything by the Cranberries, the entirety of Bohemian Rhapsody, Groove is in the Heart, anything that can be found on a Wes Anderson movie soundtrack.**



++Strongly Encouraged: Novelty rap songs, Frankie Valli, Ron Spector output, Dolly Parton, Op Ivy/Rancid

FAT LIP QUIZ

Mr Fat Lip's QUIZ:

DISCLAIMER**CHILDREN IN ANY KIND OF LACANIAN PHASE SHOULD NOT SEE THE FOLLOWING IMAGES

image "A"-->

<--image "B"

1)COMPARE AND CONTRAST

2)Image "A"+ Viagra = Image "B" + Lesbian Bed Death [T/F]

3) Christa Hilhouse is the missing link between Boy George and Marshall Mathers [T/F]

4) Choose one of the following and write 250 words.

(a) "Leather pants are boner-inducing. No homo." No homo?

(b) Confusion-as-sex 80's glam became the early 90's alt-rock vagina dentata of castration-anxiety ridden freelance cultural critics who aided the proliferation of the term "PC" in the media. (c) Sim Simma. Who am I?

6)carpetmuncher : cracksmoker :: Talib Kweli : ___?___

7) Assume Image "A" actually depicts the wax effigies of those portrayed in Image "B" at a cut-rate Madame Tussaud's in the Belgian Congo (cropped from the picture is the adjacent exhibit of Duff Mc Kagan and Patrice Lumumba's grandmother at her spinning jenny). Yes/No? If not, how can Linda Perry have the same haberdasher as the Slasher? What does this signify? (possible dissertation)
8) Why am I brushing my teeth while peeing in the shower? Is this sexually aberrant?