Monday, September 17, 2007

This Daft Gook Needs a Job: Scenes from a inbox

Bridgewater Associates(Assholes, etc.), Inc.
We're looking for people who can be the leaders of the company – starting on their very first day. (seek a few good dickheads)
Bridgewater manages $165 billion in global investments for a wide array of institutional clients, including foreign governments and central banks, corporate and public pension funds, university endowments and charitable foundations. (big primed uncut cocks with greasy hot nuts) Bridgewater has approximately 450 employees and is based in Westport, Connecticut. (conveniently located just off the Post Road at the corner of Cum in My Ass and Cum on My Chin) There are three ingredients behind Bridgewater's success: its process, its people, and its culture. (raw entry, uprocking reverse cowgirl, jackhammering doggystyle, with a little stinky pinky; teen sluts, horny bicurious wives, dirty old men; and biweekly swingers parties) At Bridgewater, we have invented, and keep inventing, superior approaches to investing and technology. We have fueled this innovation by recruiting talented, creative people from all backgrounds and promoting an invigorating and collaborative work environment. (mature broads who like double fisting, black dick in white pussy, horses, water sports, circle jerk lunch breaks) We are committed to the constant pursuit of excellence, and a meritocracy of ideas, not hierarchies, drives decision-making. (shut up and eat my cock you little cumslut)

Client Service Department Overview:
The Client Service Department is responsible for implementing Bridgewater's client strategy. (get that lube and squirt it all over my ass) Our global client base includes public and corporate pension funds, foreign governments and central banks, as well as university endowments and charitable foundations. (now shove that wine enema into my moist boyhole) We seek to be our clients' most trusted advisor, beyond providing excellent reporting and analytical services.(ooh yeah drink up bitch, suck it dry, and lick all the edges you little whore).
Client Advisors,
Portfolio Strategists, and Analysts introduce and teach institutional investors about (now lube me up and pound my ass like you mean it) Bridgewater's pioneering work in areas such as risk budgeting, alpha and beta separation, portable alpha, optimal beta, currency overlay, and global inflation-indexed bond investing. (oh yeah you fucking like that don't you, you ugly little cumwad, tell me you like
daddy's tight little stinkhole.) Our track record
(Daddy's going to cum) of innovative (oh yeah Daddy's going to--fu--cking cum) and objective thinking (Fuuuuck.) has established (Yeah. Unnngh) Bridgewater as one of the pre-eminent (Ohhhh. Ungh) investment management firms in the business. ( Unghhungohh)